Respect between parent and child is a two-way street. When kids seem disrespectful, it’s easy to jump straight to punishment. But often, disrespect is a symptom—kids may be pushing boundaries, mirroring what they see, or struggling to feel heard. Kids with ADHD often get labeled as “rude” or “defiant.” In reality, what looks like disrespect is often a symptom of their brain struggling with self-control, focus, or emotional regulation. Knowing the difference can change how you parent—and how your child feels about themselves. Let’s look at the key signs of disrespect and what you can do to change the dynamic without yelling.

True Signs of Disrespect

1. Constant Backtalk

• Sign: Every request turns into an argument.
• Fix: Stay calm, set limits on tone, and model respectful communication.

2. Ignoring Instructions or Repeated Requests

• Sign: You need to ask 4–5 times before action happens.
• Fix: Give clear expectations, follow through with consequences consistently.

3. Eye-Rolling, Sarcasm, or Mocking

• Sign: They dismiss you with body language or sarcasm.
• Fix: Call it out respectfully (“I don’t appreciate that tone”), and show them how to disagree respectfully.

4. Blaming Others and Dodging Responsibility

• Sign: They never admit when they’re wrong—it’s always someone else’s fault.
• Fix: Encourage accountability by praising honesty more than perfection.

5. Acting Entitled

• Sign: Expecting you to serve them without thanks, ignoring your efforts.
• Fix: Teach gratitude through modeling and require participation in family chores.

6. Breaking Boundaries Repeatedly

• Sign: Ignoring curfews, snooping, or disobeying rules without remorse.
• Fix: Be firm about boundaries—consistency shows rules matter.

7. Dismissing Your Authority Altogether

• Sign: Talking as if they run the house or making decisions that aren’t theirs to make.
• Fix: Reinforce your role as parent calmly but clearly. Invite input but hold final say.

Normal Developmental Behaviors (Often Mistaken for Disrespect)

1. Saying “No” Frequently (Toddlers & Teens)

• They’re learning independence. Saying “no” isn’t always rebellion—it’s boundary-testing.

2. Rolling Eyes or Sighing (Tweens/Teens)

• Sometimes it’s immaturity, not deep disrespect. They may lack the skills to express disagreement calmly.

3. Wanting More Privacy

• Closing doors, keeping secrets—this is part of developing autonomy, not necessarily rejection.

4. Forgetting Chores or Homework

• Kids’ brains are still developing executive function. Forgetfulness isn’t always defiance.

5. Pushing Limits Occasionally

• Testing rules is part of growth. What matters is how you guide them back, not that they test you at all.

How to Tell the Difference

• Pattern vs. Phase: Disrespect shows up consistently, not occasionally.
• Tone Matters: Saying “I don’t want to” calmly is different from yelling “You can’t make me!”
• Connection Check: If your child still seeks comfort, shares things with you, and shows care in other ways, it’s likely a phase.

How ADHD Can Look Like Disrespect

1. Interrupting or Talking Back

• Why it happens: Impulse control challenges make it hard for kids with ADHD to wait their turn or filter words.
• How it’s perceived: Parents may see it as rudeness or defiance.

2. Ignoring Instructions

• Why it happens: Trouble with working memory and focus—not a lack of care.
• How it’s perceived: “You never listen to me!”

3. Forgetting Rules or Chores

• Why it happens: ADHD brains struggle with organization and follow-through.
• How it’s perceived: Laziness or disrespect.

4. Emotional Outbursts

• Why it happens: Emotional regulation is harder; frustration boils over quickly.
• How it’s perceived: Disrespectful attitude or deliberate defiance.

5. Seeming “Defiant” About Boundaries

• Why it happens: ADHD kids often act first, think later.
• How it’s perceived: Willful disobedience.

How to Earn Back Respect (Without Yelling)

• Model the respect you expect. Kids copy tone and behavior.
• Stay consistent. Rules only work if enforced every time.
• Balance authority with empathy. Explain the “why” behind rules.
• Praise respect when you see it. Positive reinforcement works better than criticism alone.
• Rebuild connection. Sometimes disrespect masks disconnection—spend time together without conflict.

How to Respond to ADHD kids with Understanding

• Pause before reacting. Ask: “Is this disrespect or ADHD at play?”
• Use clear, short instructions. Long explanations get lost.
• Build routines. Predictability helps reduce missed expectations.
• Model calm responses. Your tone teaches more than your words.
• Praise effort, not just results. Encouragement helps build self-esteem.
  
  

Not every act of “disrespect” is intentional. With ADHD, behaviors often reflect neurological challenges—not a lack of love or values. By separating disrespect from symptoms, parents can discipline with empathy, reduce power struggles, and help kids grow in confidence.

Kids aren’t born disrespectful—they learn behavior over time. If you’re seeing these signs, don’t panic. With consistency, empathy, and firm boundaries, you can reset the balance and rebuild a home filled with mutual respect.