Learned Behaviour vs Inherited Behaviour

(And how our home silently shapes our children)

People often think children become who they are because of genes.
But honestly?
So much of who they grow into comes from learned behaviour, not inherited behaviour.

Inherited behaviour is instinct.
Learned behaviour is observation.

And kids are master observers.

They don’t copy what we say.
They copy what we live — every day, without fail.

Two Homes. Two Cultures. Two Very Different “Normals.”

I grew up in a home where informing each other was basic respect.
Going out? You say it.
Running late? You update.
Even when we didn’t feel like it, we still did — because that was the culture.

My husband grew up in a completely different system.
In his house, my FIL would leave whenever and return whenever, without informing anyone.
And naturally, my husband absorbed that as normal.
Not because anyone told him to…
but because kids repeat what they see.

And that’s when it hit me:

👉 Most of the behaviours our kids grow up with are learned, not inherited.

So the way we conduct ourselves as parents becomes their lifelong template.

What Kids Learn From Their Father

How to handle conflict
Stay and communicate… or walk away when things get hard.

How to respect time and commitments
Follow through… or treat promises casually.

How love should feel
Stable and present… or unpredictable and inconsistent.

How to treat the people you care about
With effort and accountability… or with convenience.

What to tolerate in future relationships
Fathers set the first example — especially for daughters.

What Kids Learn From Their Mother

How to love gently
Warmth, comfort, and emotional safety.

How to handle emotions
How she cries, calms down, apologises, and resets becomes their emotional script.

How to speak to themselves
Kids mirror the way she speaks to herself, not just them.

How to survive hard days
Her resilience becomes their definition of strength.

How to give and receive love
Her boundaries, choices, and self-respect become their internal guide.

What consistency looks like
The routines she builds become their sense of security.

And This Is Why I Set Rules in My Home Now

Not to control my husband.
Not to change how he was raised.
But because I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking unpredictability, silence, or disappearing is normal.

I want them to learn the kind of behaviour I grew up with —
where informing is respect,
consistency is love,
and communication is basic care.

Because the truth is simple:

👉 Our kids may inherit our features… but they learn our habits.

And the next generation is watching us
every single day.

Even when parents model the same values, children can develop very different personalities. Factors like birth order, gender, and age gap also quietly shape how kids see the world.
👉 You may enjoy reading: How Birth Order, Gender & Age Gap Shape Kids’ Personalities

Want more insights into how children grow emotionally and behave in different stages of development? Visit our Emotional Growth & Behavior pillar for tips, reflections, and guidance on understanding and supporting your child’s emotional journey.